DO YOU SOMETIMES FORGET WHAT PLANE YOU’RE ON?

“Why doesn’t that table fly when I will it to?”

OR EVEN WHAT PLANET THIS IS?

“Boy! Those Venus women sure have big — oops!”

MAYBE IT’S TIME TO JOIN THE HAPPY FOLKS AT THE MICHAEL HOME FOR VERY OLD SOULS!

Yes, you can retire in the comfort and peace you deserve! After six million years on the physical plane, live out your golden years free from those irritating younger souls who still believe THAT TIME AND SPACE ARE REAL!!! (God love ’em.)

At The Michael Home for Very Old Souls, you’ll live among flowers and trees, birds and bees, in genteel poverty, your every need filled by our highly trained staff. You will feast on sumptuous meals of salad, soyburgers, wheatgrass juice, potato chips, and Coke. After a hard day of reading, watching videos, taking walks, and hot-tubbing, you will be free to spend your evenings relaxing with like-minded friends, discussing the meaning of life and other people’s kinky sex. Once a week (or whenever they get around to it), other old souls even more impoverished than you will clean your room and do your laundry, releasing you from the drudgery of physical-plane existence, freeing you to advance spiritually through meditation, chanting, and washing dishes (not actually dirty dishes, of course).

Yes, the senility of very-old-souldom can actually be fun, and not just for old kings such as Old King Cole. You too can be merry, even if you’re an old scholar or priest with abrading overleaves such as cynic, acceptance, and heavy self-dep sliding to exalted arrogance! To learn more, call 1-800-OLD-SOUL now!! for your free all-black-and-white photocopied brochure. (Ask about our fabulous out-of-body field trips!)